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Baby Pictures/Transcript
[ PINY theme song ] Will: Woo-hoo! Oh yeah. Who's the man? I'm the man uh-huh. Tasha: Ever get the felling your in a Broadway musical by no one told you? Will: Hello Ladies. Michelle: Okay Will, why are you being all music video? Will: Because I am now a professional reporter. Wha-cha. Tasha: Uh, are you a professional reporter who also strikes poses? Will: I just got the thumbs up from the admin to do my big piece for the Piny Herald. Future stars of the future future. It's going to be a special edition, every kid at school submit a written description of their childhood and a bayy picture. Michelle: That sounds cool Will. Will: It would be a living historical document. A document documenting historical..living..docu.. Tasha: We got it Scoop. Dory: Hi, we don't want to talk to you or anything, we're eavesdropping. Michelle: Thanks for clarifying. Julia: Look Will we've been doing a lot of thinking since we heard about your big story. Will: That was like 10 seconds ago. Rita: You'll never be to handle it alone. You're gonna need serious guidance, a picture and a blurb from every kid at Piny. Julia: So we've decided that Rita will supervise you. Will: But I don't need.. Rita: Your welcome, happy to do it we'll regroup later. Will: Uh, okay wait what? Michelle: Hey dad. Mr. Fairchild: Well this is a surprise, I hardly get see you anymore. Working on a project? Michelle: Sorta, I mean not for class. I need a baby picture. Mr. Fairchild: Of a baby? Which baby? Any baby? Michelle: No a baby picture of me silly. But it's like all these pictures start when I'm 3. Mr. Fairchild: Well 3's a baby, right? Michelle: No like baby baby. I need a baby picture, it's for the special edition of the Piny Herald. Everyone's going to be in there. Mr. Fairchild: Oh, why don't we do this later? How about some dinner? Michelle: I guess so. Let's order something. (Michelle hugs her dad) Sam: Will? Will: Over here. Sam: Marco. Will: Polo. Sam: Marco. Will: Polo. And you're standing on my foot. They're everywhere, all these tiny dimply faces staring at me. Sam: Focus Will, focus. It's just a bunch of baby pictures. We can do.. (Rita walks in) Rita: Looks like I got here just in time. Sam get me a shovel, Will get me a sandwich. Will: But.. Rita: Did I say talk? Will: Well, not exactly he but.. Tasha: I was a seriously cute baby. Lilith: So cute. Look at those cheeks they're wider than your shoulders. Tasha: Well look at yours, even as a baby you look smarter than everyone else. Michelle where is your baby picture? Michelle: I couldn't find any. Tasha: Not any? Michelle: None, was it hard for you guys to find your baby pictures? Lilith: Well, no but I did hurt my thumb taking a couple out of their frames. Tasha: Uh, no. But if you were as ridiculously cute as I was, wouldn't you have a million pictures of me? Michelle: Why am I the only one who doesn't have any baby pictures? Dory: So many adorable ones to choose from. I just don't know how I'm going to decide. Ah, this was taken after my Diamond Booty award. Julia: Diamond Booty? Dory: For going above and beyond the call of babyhood, this is definitely going on the front page. Rita: Yes, right under this picture of me modeling for the first lipstick for babies, drooling diva. Dory: Huh? It's..cute. I mean you didn't have dimples like me or anything. Rita: Oh really? Those dimples look like they were drawn on your face. Julia: Cut it out you two. Everybody knows my baby picture will be on the front page. Rita: Where's your picture Julia? Julia: Oh, I've been so busy, but I have like a billion to choose from. Rita: Time to make sure Will and Sam are sorting the pictures correctly. I told them to keep the cute and lose the ugly. It's not rocket science. Julia: They are so lucky you're helping. (Sam walks into the room and grabs Will's book that he is reading) Sam(reading): How to out boss a boss. How to stand on your own two feet without falling over. Will: Dude, those are mine. Sam: Why don't you just tell Rita to buzz off? Will: You saw what she did to that sandwich guy for giving her sourdough instead of country french. Sam: That was scary. Will: I guess something pretty terrible would have to happen to make her quit. Sam: Great, what terrible thing could happen to a bunch of baby pictures? (Rita screams) Sam: Rita are you okay? Rita: I found this in the Q pile. Sam: Aww, this baby is cute. Rita: This baby has 2 chins! Will: Actually, it looks more like three. Rita: That's it, I quit. Will and Sam: Uh.. Julia(on the phone): Well did you check all of the closets in all of our houses and the yacht? Maybe my baby pictures are on the yacht. Mrs. Cooper(over the phone): Calm down sugar sprinkles, I'll check all of those places okay. Julia(over the phone): Well how long will that take? Mrs. Cooper(over the phone): Uh..well..mommy has a very busy week, lunches, golf, more golf, more lunches. I'll get to though alright. Julia(over the phone): Mom, I need a baby picture, like yesterday. Can't you just text me one or something? Mrs. Cooper(over the phone): Oops, have to tee off. Love you sugar sprinkles. (Call ends) Mrs. Cooper: Honey, Julia's asking asking about baby pictures. (Michelle falls from the closet.) Mr. Fairchild: Ahh! Michelle: You scared me. Mr. Fairchild: But you were in my closet so I get to be the scared one. (Both laugh.) Mr. Fairchild: So Why exactly were you in my closet? Michelle: Looking for my baby pictures. It's getting close to the deadline and I really need one. Can you help me look please. Mr. Fairchild: You know what? I'm starving lets go eat. Michellle: Dad, can we look for my pictures first? Mr. Fairchild: Later, later come. Michelle: So full. I thought you said you were starving. Mr. Fairchild: Oh right, I am. Just a slow eater I guess. Michelle: Really? Cause normally when we're here it's like watch a buzz saw go through butter. No offence. Mr. Fairchild: No, of course not. Michelle: Okay, well lets go back and look for those pictures. Mr. Fairchild: Oh yeah actually, I was thinking we should probably go for a walk. Michelle: I don't know if I can walk. You might have to roll me down the street. Mr. Fairchild: That would probably hurt. Michelle: No dad, I'm just kidding. Mr. Fairchild: Oh, (chuckles) good one. Michelle: Dad, you're acting weird. What's up? Mr. Fairchild: Nothing, so want to go someplace cool? Michelle: Well sure, but I want to get back.. Mr. Fairchild: Oh, Cheese Cake. Michelle: But you haven't even finished your hotdog. Mr. Fairchild: Well you know me, my dessert stomach is always starving. Michelle: (sighs) Coming. (Mr. Fairchild is eating Cheese Cake) Mr. Fairchild: Mmm, the forth piece was even yummier. Michelle: Dad, you're gross. I really want to look for the pictures. Mr. Fairchild: Okay, Okay, just one last ride. Michelle: Hmm, why did we stop? Mr. Fairchild: Your mother would be so proud to see you here at PINY. I wish she could be here with us now. Michelle: Well, I don't have a lot of memories of mom. Mr. Fairchild: She would freak out watching you so close to the water and look at you you're not even scared. Michelle: Uh yes, that's cause I'm not 3 anymore, I can swim now. Dad are you okay? Mr. Fairchild: Well not to sound to corny, but I wish she could see you all grown up. Michelle: That's not corny dad. I wish I could see myself as a baby. Do you think we could finally head back now? Mr. Fairchild: Hmm, not yet no. Michelle: No? Okay, spill dad what's wrong somethings wrong. Mr. Fairchild: Actually, nothings wrong. Everything is perfectly normal and people do it everyday. Michelle: Do what? Mr. Fairchild: Adopt babies. Michelle: What does that mean. Mr. Fairchild: Uh, well.. Michelle: You're going to adopt a baby? Hey everybody, I'm gonna be a big sister! Mr. Fairchild: Michelle no, no not adopting a baby at my age. No. Michelle: Then what? I don't understand you dad. Mr. Fairchild: Michelle, there are no baby pictures because I already adopted a baby once. It was you. Michelle: It..me..wait what? Mr. Fairchild: It's been so hard to find the right moment to tell you this. Michelle: I'm Adopted? Category:Season 1 Transcripts Category:Episodes